i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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