so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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