you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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