He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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