Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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