I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dear god my vagina.
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