Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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