I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
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Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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