she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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