Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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