I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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