So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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