I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize