I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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