9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the day after is always just damage control
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... ๐ฏ๐๐๐
Do I even want to know?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I canโt shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. Itโs like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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