There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize