i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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