yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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