You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
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You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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