I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize