I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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