I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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