Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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