New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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