I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
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You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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