Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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