just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
