i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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