u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
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She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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