I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
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I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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