I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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