i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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