Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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