He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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