I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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