i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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