They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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