i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
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Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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