He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you traded sex for a burrito?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize