This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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