as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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