you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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