she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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