We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
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he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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