she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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