Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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