she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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