I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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