when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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