worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
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Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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