Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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